30: Chocolate sky.

Before I begin, I just want to thank all of you guys for your kind responses to my post. I know you could feel the pain, frustration and fatigue with the situation. Thank you for your uplifting words and positive points-of-view. I really appreciate that!

Today, I spent my lunch break laughing with friends and co-workers at this little Mexican joint that us Gainesvillians love, called La Fiesta. All I know is that it has been here forever, and the food is slamming.

Back at work, I met a very, very tight deadline and ... waited for the call.

I told my hubby not to text me; but, to call me when he gets "the call." If you don't know, well, now you do. My hubby had an interview on Thursday for the job he has wanted forever. They told him that they would let him know something within the week, so you know how jumpy he is. I hate waiting for those calls.

Well, the call didn't come today. In fact, I think hubby purposely avoided calling me--he sent me about six random text messages throughout the day--just because he didn't want me to get my hopes up.

In other exciting news--and the only reason I am sharing this, is because I honestly don't think anything will come of this--I got an e-mail from a VP of publishing, who asked me if I had ever written a book. He wants to meet with me. We have been sending e-mails back-and-forth and we are going to set something up for me to come to the office. (Hubby at side, ofcourse.) I mean, you never know whose really who these days, right?

Besides, my hubby really is my partner. So, he needs to be there.

So, last night, I stayed up until midnight working on a freelance piece and because I was so tired, I didn't want to do my regular walking after work today, but I did. And I am so glad I did. I got to vent to a good girlfriend; and laugh with her as we walked our now-routine three miles.

And on my way home, I caught the most breathtaking scene above me. And that's why I had to snap this. (Yeah, my camera kind of sucks right now. I'll be making my case for a new one real soon, like when I launch my site.)

Oh, that and look what my hubby just brought me: Yum.
I'd say that today was a good day.

P.S.- I couldn't help myself with the title of this post. How could I not put those two words together?

29: Relationships

Well, I recently lost a very good friend of mine. I had to make a decision that hurt me and hurt her, and it ended the friendship. Although, the decision was a right one. It was a hard one, but it was the right one. I didn't want to, but I had to.

And the reason I cannot blog about it is because she reads (maybe not anymore) my blog, and I have to respect her enough not to talk about it, even in anonymity. I wanted to thank you all for your kind words. Relationships can be hard, and sometimes they end too soon.

28: I guess I'm just ...

frustrated that I cannot write about it right now, and that makes me want to *not* blog. It's like, because blogging has to be a real slice of my life as I am living it, I can hardly type these words. It's because there is so much more going on.

These are the days I wish blogger had private posts. And these are the days I wish life was a bit less complex when it comes to relationships. *Sigh.* I'm sure that as the days go by this week, I'll feel better about the situation. But, not tonight.

(I'm off to write an article for the magazine, due tomorrow. Goodnight.)

27: Good night!

I'm just annoyed and drained tonight. I'll post more tomorrow. Good night!

26: "Are you expecting?"

So, it all started yesterday after work. I was excited to be watching my Office return after a long, long summer without. But, first I needed to get my walk on. I walked my three miles and rushed home to see my show. I wanted to have time for a nice, hot shower before the show.

I was feeling good, too. "My jeans are looser," I told my walking buddy, J. "I'm so glad we're keeping up with it!"

I had finished walking and had just left J's house, where we usually meet up to walk. My phone rang, and it was my hubby, asking me to pick up a few things from the store. I was, after all, passing right by it. I reluctantly stopped.

"I am not even dressed right. I'm wearing this little tank top and I just don't feel like seeing anyone ..." I was telling my hubby this, all while walking in the store. It was too late. I was in ... there was no turning back from the grocery store.

It was fine, but a little bit cold. Man, I was wishing I had my favorite green sweatshirt. I got the things I needed all while chatting quietly with my step-sister Jessica, who lives in Ohio. We hung up when I had to get in line. All was good. The cashier was an older woman -- maybe in her 60s -- with dark hair and painted-on eyebrows.

"How much can I write the check over here?"

And I was trying to do the math in my head, when she said "Are you expecting?"

I stopped in my tracks. And I looked at her and said -- with a straight face -- "Don't you know the rule? ... You don't ask a woman if she's "expecting" unless she's, like, on the way to the hospital to GIVE BIRTH."

The bag boy, a young, 20-something college kid, hung his head and just shook it slowly from right to left, as if to say ... "You did not just say that!"

I don't even know if she apologized. I really don't remember, probably because all I could hear was the sound of blood rushing to my head. But, she started talking about her kids and how she thought that ...

"well, when I had my kids, I would get confused a lot and when you talked about the math with the check ..."

Imagine the surprise when I really had nothing to say back.

The bag boy, who wore the name tag "Dylan" on his green shirt, looked so embarrassed. A red head, his cheeks turned bright red. I was waiting for my receipt when Dylan asked me "Can I help you out, please?"

"That's cool," I told him.

And as soon as we stepped out into the cool, crisp evening air, he said "You do not look pregnant! I am so sorry. I just can't believe she even said that!"

"I know, right?" I said. "I can see that you know better than to say things like that! Well, you know, I had two kids in like two years ... and I am trying to lose weight, just came from walking ..."

He was shaking his head profusely in agreement. "I could totally tell that you just came from working out ... I could totally tell."

I was so upset until the bag boy just amused me so. He was so funny, so concerned that my feelings were hurt. Plus, he says that I do not look like I am expecting! Woo hoo! Well, I guess the bag boy has more sense than the cashier.

Man, the last time I ventured away from "my" Publix and went to a Publix in another neighborhood, the bagger said something just as crazy, although less crazy in my book. The bagger said something about a "vaginal probe" sonogram. I am serious.

I'm thinking that I want to stick very close to my own Publix ... from now on.

25: Thursday -- the good and the bad

Don't you just love packages?!

Well, I came home on my lunch break and about 10 minutes after I had been home, my door bell rang. It was Fed Ex with a package. "My magazine!" I said to my hubby. I flung open the door, ready to sign.

"Suzy Richardson?"
"Yes."
"Sign here, please."

He handed me a big, brown box. "What could this be?" I asked my hubby. Well, it wasn't my magazine that I was waiting for. I have a piece published this month in Charisma, and I have been waiting for my copies and the check. Oh, here's the link, if you are interested:

Tim Tebow article

I grabbed a pair of scissors and began anxiously cutting my way through the tape. I saw my friend from Ohio, Melissa's, address on it. "The swim diapers!"

We had just talked about swim diapers and how I didn't feel like spending $10 on a pack of swim diapers because it was almost October. So, she hooked me up! But, there was more.

There was a note attached to another smaller box within the box. "Since we can't have our Office party together ..." it began.

Here is the note that was attached to my little box within a big box. (I know, my camera sucks. When I get my new one, this one goes to the kids. That says a lot, doesn't it?)

OMG! My friend from South Carolina, who now lives in Ohio, just sent me a goodie package. How freaking sweet! It was stuffed with all kinds of "Office" goodies for our favorite show's season return, which came on at 9 p.m. tonight.

There were notepads, packs of Office pencils, sticky notes, a coffee mug ... all kinds of stuff, even a pack of popcorn and some other snacks. The fun part was that I got to open my little package on my way back to work and so I handed out some of my little goodies -- you know, just some sticky notes and two pencils. I couldn't part with much more, especially since it was from a good friend -- to some of my office mates who love the Office.

This is my cabinet space above my desk. Don't you just love what I've done with the place?!


At my desk:-) That is my bobble head Dwight, that Melissa sent me when I first got my job. That was a-whole-nother special package day. And there is my sister's picture. The angel beanie baby, I found at that yard sale my daughter and I went to this past weekend. I couldn't put it at the grave, because it would get ruined. Any way, I knew I had the perfect place for it.)

So, that was the good of my day. Thank you, Melissa. You just ... rock as a girlfriend!

So, the bad of my day happened as I was in line at Publix. You WILL NOT BELIEVE what the Publix cashier said to me. No, you will not even believe it. My draw dropped and I had to "school" this woman about the things people should never, ever say to other people.

But since I have to keep you coming back, tomorrow's post will begin with those three little words that HAPPENED TO ME in a Pubilx grocery store line.

24: Getting ready!

So, the reason that I cannot do a full blog post tonight is because I am helping my hubby prepare for a job interview tomorrow for the career that he has been wanting for so long! I am so excited for him. This has been about a 3-month long process, and here he is -- at the end.

I am going to go over the questions he should ask, and you know -- all that interview stuff. The interview is at 9 a.m. all the way on the other side of town. So, does anyone have any advice for him? (If you read this tonight, that is.)

Okay, so I'll be back tomorrow with the update!

23: I don't want a bra. I want a sandwich!

So, hubby and I met for a lunch-time appointment. I walked in the office and glanced at the clock on the wall -- I had just about 40 minutes before I would have to leave for work. "Hey, honey!" I said and hugged him.

He smiled. Gave me a nice hug. "I'm starving!" I said to him.

At that moment, I was so glad that we had that conversation -- the one about him bringing me lunch from home to the appointment so I'd be able to eat before heading back to the office. After 40 minutes, it was time for me to go, and he stopped me on the way out. "I brought that thing you wanted," he said. "It's in the van."

"Oh, thank you!" I said to him. With a rumbling tummy, I was so grateful. See -- I knew that I had a deadline to meet at work,and if I didn't eat now, eating was not going to happen. I knew I'd be working up until the last minute on this project, which was due by 5 p.m. SHARP.

And so, I stopped by the mom van, which he now frequently drives (although, I think he secretly loves it!) And I peeked my head in. "Where is my sandwich? ... where, oh, where?"

Well, the only thing that was sitting in the back seat was a bundled-up bra. I grabbed it and stuck it in my purse. He didn't even have a bag, I guess, since I have become the plastic-bag nazi around this house. So, I throw the bra in my purse and head back to work -- no lunch to fill me. And then I remembered that other conversation that my hubby and I had earlier -- the one about him needing to wash a specific bra for me because my back was really hurting and I needed it.

As I walked away, I was saying "I don't want a bra. I want a sandwich!" I quickly realized how silly I sounded, and was grateful that no one had been in ear shot.

So, he got it half right, right?

Back at my desk, I called him. "When you said you had it, I thought you were talking about the sandwich, honey. Not a bra!"

"What sandwich? he asked me.

"Oh ... never mind. Can you bring me some lunch. I can't leave ... on a tight deadline."

"I just got in line to pick the kids up (from school)."

Great. Just perfect, I was thinking. I'll just starve, whatever. And that's the moment an e-mail popped up.

"LEFTOVER PIZZA IN THE CAFETERIA. COME AND GET IT."

Are you serious?! Nice. Downstairs, and just a few moments later, I walked into a room with about 10 boxes of pizza sitting on a table. I grabbed a slice of the Supreme ... and later met my deadline at 4:55 p.m. sharp.

22: Boo!

Baby R, 6 months old.

21: Pee on my feet! Ewwww.

Today, my hubby and I visited a church. We were both turned off when they talked about the $1,000 seed planting to become a partner. "We are about to have to pay for two children to be in day care. That's my seed offering, okay?"

I was actually watching the clock the entire time -- I know, I am so bad. But, I was gone after the second minute. At 12:30 sharp, we have to leave I told my hubby. I had a meeting with R, my cohort for the soon-to-launch mom site.

I was envisioning R and I, talking and laughing over hot, buttery rolls. I was envisioning Texas Roadhouse, and I was determined to make it happen.

Around 1, I scooped up R in the mom van, and we were off. With the windows rolled down and some good ole Alan Jackson on, we were off. And so, over hot, buttery rolls, we did indeed chat about the upcoming launch date and the launch party and the Web site contract.

It was all exciting stuff -- ideas shared over a huge Chicken Critter salad (with Ranch on the side) and an ice-cold frozen Strawberry Margarita. The afternoon was absolutely perfect.

My favorite Texas Roadhouse entree -- the Chicken Critter salad. You must try it, if you haven't already!

Frozen margarita at Texas Roadhouse.

With stuffed bellies, we headed to the mall to pick up a few things, and we found a little table in front of the water fountain by the food court. There we sat -- with my three-ring binder open -- and chatted about the site's themes, colors, needs, direction, etc.

"Wow. We're like two totally normal moms, making our dreams come true -- right here in the middle of the Oaks Mall. That's pretty cool," she said to me.

I couldn't have agreed more.

It's all very exciting. But, to be honest, I have never been in business before and I pray that everything goes smoothly and that this site will be all that I have envisioned it to be in my head. I guess it can be scary to just put yourself out there and try, knowing that you could easily fail.

But, for me, I think it would be more scary to just do nothing.

So, moving on from the site stuff, I came home from my meeting and took a luxurious, two-hour nap. Then, my hubby and I hung out with the kids all evening, reading and cooking chicken stir-fry. After the kids were all tucked in for the night, hubby and I headed outside together to take our dog, Gator, to the bathroom.

(Hubby always comes out with me because there are no street lights and it's so dark -- I love how protective he is over me. I just love it.)

So, I am talking to my hubby about the meeting and my day when I feel a warm sensation on my feet -- both of them. My dufus of a dog was spraying my feet. Ewww! I jumped back, but he got me good. I ran upstairs and took a shower. I was totally disgusted. Ugh. I still am.

Great. I have become the pee post.

Yep, that means it's time for me to call it a night. (Hope this post wasn't too random for you, Staci. But, come on, I live a totally and randomly crazy, silly life:-))

20: The perfect day ...

Just before 10 this morning, I jumped in my car and made a mad dash to see my 9-year-old niece's track meet. I kind of wanted to bum around the house this morning and not have to put on my bra. But, I thought about how my sister would give anything to be able to see her daughter run, and so I just knew I had to be there.

We got there just after they began, and we -- my son and daughter and I -- got to cheer her on throughout the whole thing. When she crossed the finish line, we were there, cheering and taking pictures. Ofcourse, all she wanted was a cold swig of that life-saving liquid Gatorade.


After she finished her race, she wanted to go home and rest. My son wanted to go along with her to grandma's house, and my daughter wanted to stick by my side.

"You want to go hang out with mommy today? I have a $20 bill for us to spend!"

Her eyes widened with delight.

And we were off. We decided to go to Grandy's and hit the breakfast buffet. Just before we walked inside, she said "Can we go to Yelena's grave today? It's been a long time." Ofcourse! I told her.

Our original plan was to go yard-saling. Although, she had a much better idea. "Let's find something for Yelena at a yard sale and then take it to her." And then she talked about how we should find an angel, because angels always remind her of "Auntie Yelena."

Over pancakes, cheese grits and fresh honeydew, we made our plan. The plan was to go to one yard sale -- to the first one we see -- and find something, anything for my sister. "No matter what we find," I said. "It will be special."

I thought it would be fun to make it an adventure and for some reason, I was feeling like my sister was in on the plan herself when that song came on the speaker just over my head. It is that Celine Dion song "Because you loved me." That is my song to her -- we played it at her funeral.

With stuffed bellies, my daughter and I headed in the direction of the grave yard. We stopped at the first yard sale sign we saw in a quiet neighborhood around the corner. I was looking through the girls' clothing on one table when I heard my daughter: "Mommy! Mommy! Look what I found."

And she held in her hands, a ziplock bag with an angel ornament inside. The back contained a little, tiny book that read "An angel gets her wings."

"Oh my gosh!" I squealed. "I can't believe we found it! We found our angel!"

We made the trip to the grave yard and placed the angel on her headstone. Underneath my jet-black sunglasses, I was crying quietly. "Look what we brought you," I said to my sister. "An angel. We found our angel."


After we left, we stopped at ColdStone and shared an icecream. We came home to daddy and two, little screaming babies just before we painted our nails together.

Today was the perfect day with my daughter ... and my sister.

19 I am going to ...

stay up really, really late and watch TV until I can no longer keep my eyes open. Yep, that's what I am going to spend the next few hours of my life doing. For a few hours, I just don't want to think -- at all. This week has been mentally demanding, and I am demanding that I ... relax.

I can't believe it, but I am actually going to leave it at that for this moment. I will be back after I watch my show.

18: Chocolate cake, ice-cold milk.

Physical pain seems to be a theme in my life recently, although hmmm. you think it has anything to do with me having my fourth child recently, just 20 months after my third?

So, I've been walking three times a week (three miles each time,) and I knew it ... I knew it was too good to be true. I knew that my beloved faithful Crocs would one day betray me -- I got blisters today.

And, yes, I know I am a complete idiot for even thinking that Crocs -- just because they feel like heaven on my feet -- would work for that type of walking. Well, I knew I should have listened to my hubby, because I now have blisters on the soles of my feet. I am trying to make my body recover, but it is not all cake.

Speaking of cake ...

I talked to a good friend, Melissa in Ohio, today. I was standing there -- sweaty after a hot, muggy walk -- when my phone rings, and it is Melissa, who I haven't been able to get in contact with recently. In fact, her phone and cable are out because of a storm, I believe. So, we start talking. I'm still sweaty and gross, now there is a kid knocking at my door every few minutes.

... when I had this fabulous idea. "Let me call you back after 9 -- the call will be free and the house will be quiet. And that will give me time to take a nice shower."

What a perfect plan. It's like that piece of chocolate cake that you want to save for the perfect moment -- like when you have an ice-cold glass of milk. Yeah, good friends are like that -- like chocolate cake; and the long, drawn-out, dramatized, deep (and sometimes shallow) conversations after a long week ... is like, well, the ice-cold milk.

You know what I mean?

PS--
So, I am meeting up with my business partner, R, on Sunday after church. We are going to meet somewhere for a nice Sunday lunch after church -- sans the children, hers and mine. We are going to finish writing up the contract and looking over our Web designer's contract and hopefully, we will pay the deposit Monday and the site will actually be ... being developed.

I love it!

17: I hurt.

"How is it that my legs and back are this sore after just a three-mile walk?!" I asked my husband over a piping hot plate of lasagna he had just served up. Yum. There is nothing better than a hot plate of lasagna -- when you haven't had to slave over it and cook it yourself. (Hubby gets brownie points today.)

So, my friend, J, and I have been walking three times a week. Yesterday, we pushed ourselves and did three miles. I know it doesn't sound like much, but in this stuffy, Florida heat, it is a lot. I am just so sore.

And then I remembered that *other* little workout I had last night. "Oh yeah," I said to hubby. "Maybe it wasn't the walk after all. Maybe, it was that uh... other workout ... the, uh, jog we went on."

He just smiled. And the kids had no clue what we were really talking about.

How long will that last, though? I feel like --any day now -- I am going to wake up and have teenagers. And, that makes me sad. Well, I'm torn. On one hand, I cannot wait for them to all be out of diapers. On the other, can't I just freeze them at a perfect age?

Last night, hubby and I were chatting. "We're done, right?"

"Oh yes!"

Um, we were talking about kids, okay?

"You don't want just one more?" I asked.

"No," he said quickly. "I miss sleeping."

He seemed fine, but I was torn and sad.

And then, when he saw me looking sad, he sad "If you want another one in eight years, we can do it."

"Really?!" And I smiled. And then I said, "No. We are really done."

I just know that we are. I knew I was going to have four children a long time ago. It makes me want to cry and smile at the same time.

16: Sticky syrup and the little things in life.

I have spent the last fews days becoming addicted to facebook. I have found about 40 people I know well and have reconnected. I love facebook for that.

So, today was a wonderful day of off work for me. I used one of my "free" holidays from work and took the day off so that hubby could take care of some business. That business was bright and early -- 7 a.m. So, he took off before the sun came up, and I bravely prepared all of the kids for all of their days -- if you are a mom, then you know what I mean when I say: what work!

I managed to lie back down for a brief moment as both 2-year-old E and 6-month-old R slept. It was indeed a brief moment, and then my phone rang. An in-law. "No, he's not home. Yes, you did wake me up."

And with that, baby R was wide awake. But, my hubby was just around the corner. We had delicious plans to go to have a date -- with both children in tow -- at Cracker Barrel. Yum. I wanted the French toast, cheese grits and an ice-cold Coke. The waitress was ... brand-new, I think. We were confused, but she was more confused.

I was trying not to spend too much money -- you know, because if the ridiculous amount of money I just spent on gas. And so she helped me work out some kind of plan. I ordered everything separately -- but in smaller portions.

The food was hot, and the Coke was freezing Cold. I loved the caffeine at that moment. But, I loved my hubby's company even more. We had a wonderful two hours -- chatting about his full morning; about kids; about homes; about money; about how long we have been together. I say 12 years; but he swears 11. Unfortunately, I lost the argument, and he was right. It has been 11 years.

When the waitress handed my hubby the check, I asked to see it the way I always do. I like to know how the money is being spent.

Me:
• "How much for cheese?"
• "Uh, I don't think so. She said just .50, not $1."
• "How much did I just pay for half the amount of food I usually get ... like double?!"

Yes, with my waitress' help, I had just managed to pay almost $10 for a meal I usually pay just about $6 for ... because we had rang up smaller portions, but separately."

Please, tell me how that makes any sense. Well, the manager took care of the issue right away. I still don't like the idea of paying $1 for cheese that I am going to put into a $2 bowl of grits. No way. Okay, whatever. I was just glad that I was paying attention.

Speaking of paying attention, on my way out the door, I was carrying a baby carrier with my very heavy 6-month-old in it. Honestly, I didn't realize how heavy this child was because my hubby always does all of the carrying. I was struggling so hard, with the baby in one hand and my to-go Coke in the other.

I get to the front door when a group of women are just standing there, smiling at my baby. Okay, I am thinking, these nice ladies are going to open this really heavy door for struggling me. Nope. They just smiled and watched as I pulled that heavy door open, and as I did, my Coke slipped from my hand and it was down the front of my shirt.

I was a hot, sticky mess. But the worst part: we had to go to Wal Mart to pick up some baby formula. We were out, like right now. So, yuck, I had to sit in that sticky mess for about another hour until after we picked the kids up from school.

I guess some people don't pay attention, I don't know. But, I think you should always go out of your way to help another human being who is struggling. Always. We need to give to each other in every way we can -- even in the small ways. That small thing could make the difference of a woman having to spend the next hour of her life covered in sticky syrup -- but, you know, just in that area. (I know, really nice!)

I don't care; thats' how I feel. And in my opinion, that's just the way it should be.

Good night, and enjoy your day tomorrow! Let me know how it goes, okay?

Marjorie...
What's going on with Melissa? Can you e-mail me her cell number? I lost it awhile back when I changed phones. I want to call and check on her:-) You can e-mail it to suzyarichardson@gmail.com. Thanks so much!!

Oh, and this is not my daily post, everyone:-)

15: Two words you NEVER want to hear...

...in a grocery store line.

So, I'm baffled. Why do people -- employees -- say the craziest things in front of customers? I wonder if it's because they become numb to us. There are so many of us, that they just don't realize that we are standing there.

So, I was standing with my daughter as the cashier was scanning the few items I picked up for dinner -- some chicken and pasta salad -- when the bagger said this thing. I swear, my eyes must have bulged out of my head.

But, I have an intrinsic mom quality about me. Yes, that happens when you have four children. "Oh, honey. It will be okay. Just close your eyes and imagine you are somewhere else. Believe me, I have four kids."

"Really?" she asked.

"Yes." And before I knew it, my groceries were in my green Publix bag (yay! for me, remembering my bag!) and we were walking away.

"Good luck with that," I said. "You know, the baby."

You are dying to know the two words right? Brace yourselves:

Vaginal probe! (She was talking about her upcoming first ultrasound.)

Wow! I don't think I've ever heard that one before. I've had one before, but I've never really talked about it -- so openly. She was young -- a first-time mom. So, I felt for her. I don't know, maybe she just felt overly comfortable with me. Or maybe she forgot that she was bagging a strange woman's groceries who did not really need to hear those two words right before dinner.

I'm not the only one, am I? You have a grocery-story story yourself, don't you? I mean, I can't be the only one.

14: Running Away

Today, I jumped in the mom van and ran away from my mom life.

It all began just after 3 p.m. My 10-year-old had begged me to join the Boy Scouts and I reluctantly took him along with my 7-year-old and 2-year-old. (I didn't reluctantly take the older ones; I reluctantly took the 2-year-old.)

But, he begged. "I wanna go! Momma! I wanna go! Momma. Please! I wanna go!" As soon as I gave him the nod, he was dressing himself. The meeting was at our favorite local park, Kanapaha Park, which I knew would be scorching hot, so my hubby opted to stay home with the baby.

As soon as we arrived, I knew I had made the number one mom mistake. I had assumed. (Why?! Why?! Did I assume ... haven't I already learned that lesson?) I had assumed that -- considering the heat -- there would be some kind of cold drinks provided.

I know better than to assume, so I was kicking myself when we walked up to a small crowd sitting at a picnic table sans the refreshments. I knew I should have had water for all my kiddies, but I was in such a rush to get them out the door.

My 2-year-old (we'll call him E) spotted a cooler at the next table over ... an ice-filled cooler and about 20 guys from a University of Florida fraternity. Real nice, son. But, that's where he wanted to be the entire. time. They had soccer balls, food and drinks; what did he need with the Boys Scouts table?

The first full hour was a fight. I kept chasing him over there; and dragging him back to our little table. At one point, he was screaming all the way back "I wannna play, momma! I waaannnaaa plaaay!"

"Fine. But, you can't play with them!" I sternly said.

My final solution -- and as I was on the verge of tears -- was the toddler swing. He loved it so much that he absolutely refused to get out as the meeting ended. "Time to go, E!"

"No, momma, no! I don't wanna go!"

And then he went limp. So, there I was, trying to pry him out of that swing (you know, the kind pictured below.) My oldest son was holding the swing, my daughter was pulling his legs out and I was pulling as hard as I possibly could. The first three times, we all failed. And, finally, I pulled with all my might when he practically flew out of the swing.

I was beet-red, sweat -- and tears -- dripping from my face. Thank God for sunglasses! I grabbed his fat, little hand and pulled him, as he fought the entire way. I was sure that everyone was watching me just fall apart.

"This has been the worst two hours of my life!" I shouted as we got in the van. The two older kids remained quiet. I pulled up to the driveway. "Everyone out!" I was hysterical. I dropped them off with hubby, and peeled out of the driveway.

I was determined to run away ... all the way to the Publix parking lot. I sat in my air conditioned van and just sobbed. I called a friend in Ohio, who has six kids. "She can help me," I thought. But this is all I got when I called: "Not taking incoming calls. Call at a later time."

No! This has to be a mistake. Her phone never does that. I called like 10 times in a row, and finally, I gave up. I wanted to go ... I don't know ... grab a drink or something. (Yeah, I always say it, but never do it.) I sobbed and sobbed some more, until finally, I sat there quietly.

There was no more fight in me. I was done. I knew my mommy instincts kicked in the moment I thought "I wonder what kind of sales they have today." And, I was off. 30 minutes later, I was pulling into our driveway with a trunk full of groceries.

I even bought ice cream -- my way of making everything better, I guess. I felt bad for yelling in the van. As soon as I walked in the door, my 2-year-old screamed. "MOMMY! YAY! MOMMY HOME!"

My 2-year-old is the one who can drive me to run away (okay, I guess we can't really call that running away.) But, he's also the one who makes me want to run to him when I walk in the door. Oh, that boy. What am I going to do with him? I'm sure there will be many more tears. But, I'm also sure there will be more laughs than tears.

And that -- no, he -- will always bring me home.

13:

Last night, I could not sleep. I spent a few hours talking to the promoter for my launch party, and when I got home, I felt like I could jump out of my skin! We had so many ideas and it just makes so much sense to do this thing. I love it when things fall into place so smoothly. I pray that the entire project will be this way.

This morning, my 2-year-old tugged on my blanket. "Mommy. I want to go."

Ugh. It was not even 7 a.m. I swear, I don't ever get any sleep. (Welcome to motherhood, Suzy.) So, needless to say, I was up way too early for a Saturday.

Instead of sleeping in the way my body so desperately wanted to, my husband and I got up, got dressed and headed to the local park, where the local gym was hosting a family fun fitness day. My hubby was pushing the double stroller and I was walking hand-in-hand with my daughter.

The 2-year-old, though, was only going to be strapped in for moments. As soon as he spotted the bounce house, he was struggling to escape. I spent the entire time trying to stop him from stealing other kids' toys and from cutting in every single line for every single event.

It was so much work! Just when I wanted to cry and turn him over to daddy, he grabbed my hand and said "Let's go, mommy." He had his big, brown eyes on the snow cone line. "Oh man, this is not going to be good," I thought -- out loud.

We got lucky and the line moved really fast. I was exhausted as we sat down on the basketball court. He had orange, sticky, snow cone juice all over him. He polished off that snow cone in about five minutes. I enjoyed that five minutes because we were just ... together.

"This is good, momma," he kept saying. "I like. Tank you, momma."

You know what I like? Just sitting with my kids, and simply enjoying being with them. And why is it that when we feel like we can take no more of them, they do something to make us want more and more of them? Oh, I love my kids, sticky hands and all.

12: Doing my thing!

I'd like to tell all of my moms about a very exciting event that is coming up, although I can not give you a specific date right now. (But, that should come this week when I talk to my Web designer.) I am partnering with a good friend of mine to launch a Web site for moms.

We are going to host a launch party that will take place at a Gainesville, Florida venue. But, for moms who are not local, we will have a Web cam at the launch party. The purpose of the launch party is to unveil the function of the new Web site for moms. I can say this much: the site will be a huge resource to moms in its function.

We will give door prizes to both local and online guests.

This unveiling event is set to take place in January -- I wanted to give you a heads-up beginning now.

If you are interested in coming to the event -- or in more details -- (online or in person), please e-mail me at themomblog@gmail.com.

11: September 11

***I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU***
Before I write about one of the saddest days in our nation's history, I want to hear from everyone on the gas situation. I just heard that gas is going to shoot up to more than $5/gallon tomorrow. Is this affecting everyone? What about where you are at?

***

Interesting how my Day 11 fell on this day -- September 11th. I remember that I was in an 8:30 a.m. journalism class at the University of Florida (with Professor Julie Dodd), when "September 11" began. As we were all sitting in class -- yawning, most of the class mostly sleepy still -- people were jumping from burning buildings.

In the corridors of J-school at UF, there are TVs that continuously flash news from around the world. I saw a group of students hovering over those televisions and I was curious. I walked over to the Reitz Union to grab a breakfast biscuit from Wendy's, and I sat in front of a TV, where I saw Peter Jennings on a handful of televisions.

I sat at a small table for two -- my backpack occupying the seat in front of me -- when I saw the burning buildings. I think it was then that I began to realize that this thing that was happening to our nation was a BIG deal.

As I was riding the bus back to my car in the commuter lot, I tucked my sandwich in my pink backpack. I was furiously calling friends, and really had no time for my now-almost cold biscuit.

I called a girlfriend, who told me that everyone in her office at work was stopped in their tracks, standing around the TV in their break room because there was "some crazy stuff going on in New York." I immediatley called my best friend, Ashley, and we talked about what was happening.

I got home to my little one bedroom and hit record on the VCR. We hung up with each other and called a slew of our friends -- many of them were still sleeping. I sat back and listened to Peter, with Ashley on the phone again.

We stayed with each other -- via phone -- for hours.

I cried as I watched. I was so shaken. I felt like the entire earth had just been shaken. You know what? I believe it had been. My heart just ached. I honestly have to say that I was never again the same. That day forever changed me.

Today at work, we had a moment of silence at 4 p.m. I closed my eyes and said a prayer for the families who will always hurt -- even when it's not 9/11. But, just knowing that there was extra pain on this day, caused me pain. Man, it's so sad.

So, I'll always remember where I was on that day -- on 9/11. And I'll always remember that I spent that day with Peter Jennings -- who has, too, sadly now passed -- and my children, who were babies at the time. So, where were you on that day?

10: Cold wind in my face

You know how it feels when you are riding in the car and it is freezing outside, and you roll down the window and let the cold, crisp air hit your face for a little while?

And when you finally get out the car, your face feels hot?

Well, that is how I feel right now -- having just hung up from my 8:00 conference call with my business partner and our Web designer. It's like a cold, exhilarating rush hit me; and then, as I peered in the mirror, I saw that my cheeks were bright red, my pulse was racing, and I could barely contain myself.

"We're doing this!" I said to my business partner, R. "We're really doing this!"

Our Web designer is awesome. She lives in Jacksonville and has designed some of the top mom sites across the country. We chatted for about 30 minutes. We gave her a list of the items that we needed for the site; the vision; the look and the feel.

What's so exciting is that the image of this site is crisp in my mind. I just bought the domain. I couldn't believe it was available for under $10. It is such a great domain. Okay, can you see the excitement dripping from my words?

So, for those of you who are local, we are going to host a launch party and the whole nine! Yippee! Although, some of my favorite readers are not local. I wish there was a way to involve everyone in the launch party. However, the site is NOT local, which means everyone can be a part.

I poured my heart and soul into another man's business when I grew gainesvillemoms.com the way I did. I was so dedicated to that site, and poof! It has disappeared. That is what I am thrilled to be doing my own thing.

Ahhhh ... there's that cold/hot feeling again ... the feeling of exhilaration. And I can't wait to bring you guys with me. Some of you have actually been with me for how long? More than five years, I think!

Oh, and NOT going private, per some very specific requests!

9: Running on empty

I had the looooongest day ever at work. I basically spent the entire day formatting a spreadsheet for one of my annual directories, which is ginormous. Ugh! It was lots of work and everything was messed up ... until I spent almost eight hours perfecting it.

Then, just before lunch time, my friend (a co-worker) e-mailed me. "Wanna do lunch?" Well, a bunch of people were heading over to Bento's. I didn't even bother to check my wallet. (Side note: my hubby and I are trying desperately to get out of debt, so we are on strict allowances and I spent all my money a week ago!)

So, I passed. I came home and ate a biscuit. (I know, random.) I guess I was kind of moping. I spent the rest of my break in front of the computer, checking e-mails, getting annoyed at the newspaper who I used to blog for because they REFUSE to take my picture down from their Web site.

Can you believe it? They flat out refused. "We'll take it down when we are ready to."

I was so fuming mad that I called a lawyer. (That's another story for another day.) Okay, I'll give you details tomorrow. Yeah, it's been a huge mess.

I had plans to go work out with a girlfriend after work when my hubby called -- he needed to go do something, possibly job related, this evening. So, I came home to a house full of screaming babies and I just felt like I was on Empty, with a capital E! I plopped down on the couch just before my hubby left me.

He walked out the door and the baby began screaming. He was hungry and sleepy. But, he was too sleepy to want to eat. Nice. Meanwhile, my son was asking me how to do his homework. And my daughter was begging me to let her join Girl Scouts.

I put the baby to bed, when I hear my oldest son ... "Moooooom!"

I found him in the kitchen, looking straight up. There was water gushing from the ceiling, which is right beneath the upstairs bathroom. "Are you serious?!?!?!?" No, No, No. I can't do this. I was seriously about to cry the river that had swallowed my kitchen floor. The floor was drenched, baby was crying, and my naked 2-year-old had escaped from the bath tub.

I called the emergency plumber guy, and guess what? The guy still has not shown. But, ahhhh, you know who just walked in the door? My wonderful hubby. Instant relief!

"What are you doing on the computer?"

"I am blogging!" I snapped at him. "And I might be dying."

"Huh?"

"My neck still hurts. What if I have that thing my sister had? What if something is really wrong with me?"

(For those who don't know, my little sister died after she contracted encephalitis, and her first symptom was headache/neck pain.)

See, ever since she died -- so suddenly and so unfairly -- death is a reality to me. It has become my biggest fear. Not because of what will happen to me, but because I cannot imagine life without ...

Well, without the screaming baby, and the naked 2-year-old (with bubbles on his butt), and that busted pipe that comes at the wrong moment and all of the craziness that is my life.

(God, thank you for all of it, even when I feel like I am running on empty. Because in the end, those are the things that actually fill me up. Those things and ... you. Thank you, God, for all of it. Even for that puddle in the middle of my kitchen floor. You know, the one I am going to refuse to clean up tonight? Yeah, you know. Because you know me so well.)

8: Public or private?

So, I talked to my Web designer, and she wants to have a conference call -- me, R and her. We are setting it up to take place within the next couple of days. I'm so excited.

Meanwhile, my hubby has been home with the baby for five lonnnnng months (he will tell you.) He is trying to figure out what he's going to do, because he does not want to go back into retail. I am just supporting him, and thanking God that I have someone who can be home with the children 24/7 -- two of them would cost an arm and a leg in daycare.

So, we have been looking at some different options, and I am really excited for him. He is super frustrated, but I am super excited because I know that something awesome is going to happen for him very soon.

You know what else I am thinking?! I am thinking about taking this blog private, so I can blog like I used to be able to. What do you think?

Day 7: Excitement in the air!

So, my neck still hurts. But, it feels much better. A little bit of Ibuprofen and some Tylenol PM to get me through the night, and I am feeling about 80 percent better.

Today was the perfect Sunday, although I wish we could have made it to church -- that is a whole other issue in itself. (We can't seem to agree on one place that is right for us ... but I'll talk about that later.)

I spent the day perfecting my little humble abode. Everything is where it belongs, and that is such a peaceful feeling. I get really, really stressed out when things are randomly everywhere. I like order. (But, in my own timing.)

So, my friend, R, came over tonight for dinner. But, what is really exciting is that R is my soon-to-be business partner! We will be launching our Web site hopefully by January 1.

The story is that I had been praying and praying about what I was supposed to do online. I connected with so many women through my blog and through gainesvillemoms.com. But, I was really turned off by what "Corporate America" turned all of my efforts into. It was like they took the "heart" out of what I was doing, and I could no longer do it.

I've known for more than 2 years now that I am supposed to do my own thing. And so I prayed and I played around with a slew of ideas. And just recently, when I walked away from gainesvillemoms.com, I had the strangest peace.

I knew instantly why: "You are supposed to do your own thing," this little voice was telling me. But, I was stuck. I couldn't do anything. I felt like I could not move. And I prayed for God to send me someone who could help me. I felt like I was supposed to wait.

So, R e-mails me a few days after I started praying, asking God to help guide me. "I was sitting on the couch when I heard this voice say to me ... You are supposed to start a Web site with Suzy."

I got the e-mail and almost fell out of my chair. The timing was just so perfect.

So that leads us to tonight, where -- over Spaghetti -- my very good friend and I talked about our vision for the Web site. I must tell you, I am so excited. Finally, I am going to make this happen.

Finally! I will keep you all posted, but our plan is to launch Jan. 1!

Day 6: Glorious morning to myself!

Last night, I was unable to get any drugs. (That sounds so bad, doesn't it?) So, because my neck was hurting so much! and I just wanted to be put out of my misery, I took two Tylenol PMs and called it a night.

But before I knew it, the sky was turning light outside, and the kids were stirring. I reluctantly pulled myself out of bed. "What time is it?" I asked my hubby. I was so sleepy.

(Yep. I knew it. It was not even 8 a.m.)

But, he had a nice little surprise for me. (Today was game day in Gainesville.) And anyone who has been in Gainesville on game day knows that the entire city goes mad. ESPN was coming in town -- they'd be at the stadium -- and my hubby decided he's take the kids.

All of the kids! All FOUR of the kids!

And this only after he cooked breakfast -- good old-fashioned cheese grits, scrambled eggs and the best biscuits ever. As he was getting the kids ready, I decided that I would play a little joke on him. Well, he knows that I hate when he wears his University of Miami jersey. I am a Gator girl -- grew up in Gainesville and graduated from UF. So, when he dons that hideous green and orange jersey, I hang my head in shame.

So, I hid his jersey and (ick) matching hat.

"If I don't find my jersey and hat, we're just going to stay home," he said loudly, making sure that I heard.

All of a sudden, visions of my looooong, quiet morning flashed before my eyes.

And without skipping a beat, I said "Oh, the jersey. It's right here. Along with the hat. Now, do you have everything you need?"

I'm so bad. I couldn't get them out the door fast enough.

So, he got to wear his ugly orange and green jersey and I got three full hours to myself. There you have it -- everyone wins! We're sitting up watching the Gator/Miami game now. My boys better win this one!

See you tomorrow!

Day 5: Ouch (times a million!)

Om. My. Gosh! I can barely even do anything right now, including type. I have never pulled a muscle in my neck like this. It is ridiculous. So, ofcourse, it's the weekend and I refuse to go to the ER. A good friend of mine is actually my doctor, so I have placed a very urgent call to her home and cell phone:-)

Oh ... call me back now!

I must go lie down now! (Hopefully, when I come back, I will be feeling much better ... either naturally or chemically.)

Pain, pain go away!

Day 4: Ouch.

Oh. My. Goodness. My neck is killing me (envision me -- typing and only able to look straight ahead.) So, this week, a girlfriend co-worker of mine and I decided that we would start walking 2-3 miles, 3 times a week. So, I have committed to do this thing.

Turth is, I love it. I love having time to just chit-chat; it really is nice. We walk down the main road -- a straight shot -- and all the way down to this little horse ranch, and once we hit that, we turn around. So, we're walking and chatting; chatting and walking when ... hmmm, I have this little ache in my neck. As we near the horse ranch, my neck is throbbing and I cannot even turn my neck. (I mean, I could but it was painful!)

Well, as it turns out, I came home on my lunch break and took a cat nap before going back to work. 20 minutes never felt so good on my mind; but on my neck, those 20 minutes are now hurting me. I must have slept the wrong way.

So, you can imagine my hubby, right?

Me, saying: "Hey honey," I'm home from my walk."

And, he responding: "What did you do to yourself?!"

And the answer is: I don't know. But, it hurts. Andone have this happen before? Advice welcome!

Day 3: My day at the, um, spa ...

Oh. yes. If you read my last post (um, wow.) then, you know that I was an uber-tired woman when I attempted to write it. The truth is, I may have already been asleep. I was, indeed, delirious.

So, today, I sit here rather refreshed. I was so exhausted at work today. (You know that I could start every post with that line, right?) At 3:45, I wrapped up all my work and bolted for my 4-o'clock appointment.

I made it to the office at 3:55. The office smelled yummy--the scent of a rich, Old Yankee candle filled the room. An older woman showed me to my little area, where I sat back in a warm chair that massaged my every ache. There were two murals of water and palm trees in the quiet, clean little room. And I just closed my eyes.

In a distance, I could hear swooshing sounds. (Yes, know I am at the beach.) "How are you?" a petite, blonde woman asked me. She had the most perfect teeth I had ever seen. We talked about kids -- she has a little girl, and I ... well, you know the story ... I have four!

Almost 30 minutes later, I kind of frantically awoke. (Oh. Oops! I totally didn't mean to fall asleep.)

I was wondering, had I played that off? I only nodded off for a moment, right?

"You're so relaxed," the woman said to me.

"Oh, please. I am great! This has been like a day at the spa. I even got a little cat nap in. You do know I have four kids right? I have to get my rest in when I can."

Both women laughed hysterically, and I felt like a new woman. I finally got that filling I needed, and I got to take a nap all at the same time.

"You are such a great patient," the petite blonde--my dentist--said to me, as she walked me to the front.

Day 2: I think I'm delirious!

Yes, I am feeling a little delirious! Today was a huge and busy day at work. But, I wasn't that tired until after 6 p.m., when I decided to start. Yes, I made myself begin exercising again. I just can't take it. As it stands right now, my body hurts so much!

In fact, I had to get back out of bed to blog something today. That's it for today, since I am hurting! See you tomorrow!!

Day 1: Labor Day weekend!

was everything that it is supposed to be.

I spent Friday night and Saturday just hanging out ... doing much of nothing, lots of very refreshing cleaning. I finally put my pictures up in the new place. On Sunday morning, we all rushed out to church to meet my friend, Mary, whose new little boy, Jack, was being dedicated.

We made it just in time. (Well, we would have been on time.) However, the child care department was trying something new (and computerized, yippee!) But, when you put a 10-year-old in front of the computer, you get a 20-minute, very frustrating "check in."

(Baby R and Baby J following the dedication. Oh, what a hard day! Lots of food, lots of kids, lots of fun.)

We made it through the sanctuary doors and saw everyone praying over the baby. Man! We were late! Instead of being annoyed, I simply joined in the prayer.

During church, I felt like I would pass out. I had forgotten to eat -- yeah, that happens a lot when you have little ones constantly nipping at your heels. I knew there was a Coke machine around the corner, and so I scrounged up some lonely change from the bottom of my purse and gave my hubby that look. "Come with me?"

So, he did. The heat was stifling as we sat, together, at the shaded picnic table. With an ice-cold Pepsi in my hand, we chatted about random past events -- when he first knew I would be his wife (he says there was a very specific dream); when we first met that morning over (my) pancakes; how we couldn't believe that we had four children.

We should have been back in church within minutes. Instead, I slowly enjoyed that ice-cold drink. But, even more than that -- I enjoyed my husband's company. (When there are four children nipping at your heels, the alone time is a rarity.)

Today -- Labor Day -- my hubby grilled some burgers and dogs. I made some sides. And we headed to the pool, which is just feet from my doorstep. (What a luxury for a Florida girl like myself.)

So, this is day one of my year-long journey. I'm so glad to be starting this up again. I had already started my year-long journey when I had, uh, (insert the name of a person I used to work with) shut it down. So, now we're here and I am more determined than ever to blog for a year straight.

Here we go ... with no strings attached. Woo hoo!