9: Running on empty

I had the looooongest day ever at work. I basically spent the entire day formatting a spreadsheet for one of my annual directories, which is ginormous. Ugh! It was lots of work and everything was messed up ... until I spent almost eight hours perfecting it.

Then, just before lunch time, my friend (a co-worker) e-mailed me. "Wanna do lunch?" Well, a bunch of people were heading over to Bento's. I didn't even bother to check my wallet. (Side note: my hubby and I are trying desperately to get out of debt, so we are on strict allowances and I spent all my money a week ago!)

So, I passed. I came home and ate a biscuit. (I know, random.) I guess I was kind of moping. I spent the rest of my break in front of the computer, checking e-mails, getting annoyed at the newspaper who I used to blog for because they REFUSE to take my picture down from their Web site.

Can you believe it? They flat out refused. "We'll take it down when we are ready to."

I was so fuming mad that I called a lawyer. (That's another story for another day.) Okay, I'll give you details tomorrow. Yeah, it's been a huge mess.

I had plans to go work out with a girlfriend after work when my hubby called -- he needed to go do something, possibly job related, this evening. So, I came home to a house full of screaming babies and I just felt like I was on Empty, with a capital E! I plopped down on the couch just before my hubby left me.

He walked out the door and the baby began screaming. He was hungry and sleepy. But, he was too sleepy to want to eat. Nice. Meanwhile, my son was asking me how to do his homework. And my daughter was begging me to let her join Girl Scouts.

I put the baby to bed, when I hear my oldest son ... "Moooooom!"

I found him in the kitchen, looking straight up. There was water gushing from the ceiling, which is right beneath the upstairs bathroom. "Are you serious?!?!?!?" No, No, No. I can't do this. I was seriously about to cry the river that had swallowed my kitchen floor. The floor was drenched, baby was crying, and my naked 2-year-old had escaped from the bath tub.

I called the emergency plumber guy, and guess what? The guy still has not shown. But, ahhhh, you know who just walked in the door? My wonderful hubby. Instant relief!

"What are you doing on the computer?"

"I am blogging!" I snapped at him. "And I might be dying."

"Huh?"

"My neck still hurts. What if I have that thing my sister had? What if something is really wrong with me?"

(For those who don't know, my little sister died after she contracted encephalitis, and her first symptom was headache/neck pain.)

See, ever since she died -- so suddenly and so unfairly -- death is a reality to me. It has become my biggest fear. Not because of what will happen to me, but because I cannot imagine life without ...

Well, without the screaming baby, and the naked 2-year-old (with bubbles on his butt), and that busted pipe that comes at the wrong moment and all of the craziness that is my life.

(God, thank you for all of it, even when I feel like I am running on empty. Because in the end, those are the things that actually fill me up. Those things and ... you. Thank you, God, for all of it. Even for that puddle in the middle of my kitchen floor. You know, the one I am going to refuse to clean up tonight? Yeah, you know. Because you know me so well.)